This is what it feels like

Arms tense, braced against the wall, head down, body heaving, sobbing
sobbing
Feeling like the pain will never end
The heart inside the ribcage clawing to get out
I can't stay in here and feel this grief
Body wants to turn itself
Blood and bone on the surface
Make the wreckage visible
So everyone knows and cannot hide from this
Body filling with thick, black ooze
It will pour from my mouth 
In screams and gulps: She's gone, she's gone
How can this be? 
The never ending web of lies the path of destruction
left in your wake 
The decisions you made from impulse 
with no room for me
Eyes on the summit, forget everyone else
you race to the top 
stomping on, stomping on 
any heart that gets in the way
any soul that holds you accountable 
spreading lies, denying truth
any truth that isn't your fucked up view of things
From a cloud of projections, darker than ink
you make accusations 
not caring who you burn at the stake
burning the one you profess to love
And I and my heart
left in the dust of your self-centered delusions
coughing and choking and asking
no. not asking.
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