I write this post with a modicum of sadness since Queer Asterisk used to be so dear to my heart. However, the time has come to say goodbye. Fluidity permeates most aspects of my identity and my worldview shifts as much as my gender, which is to say that I have rethought my role as blogger. Words pour out of me and land… where? In the void of the internet? Into the lap of a choir that needs no preaching? As I deepen into my spiritual understanding of the world, I realize that I want to listen more than speak. Speaking (or writing) does not necessarily need to follow thinking or just because I think it does not make it so. There are many people thinking and speaking and writing and maybe not so many listening. Moreover, there are many people thinking and speaking and writing much better than me, which is not a self-deprecating statement, I simply feel that removing my voice from the cacophony will have more of an impact than adding it. Finally, the asterisk (*) part of Queer Asterisk is irrelevant and so it is time to kick it to the curb.
Why is the asterisk irrelevant, you ask? Several people on the world wide web have already pontificated on this point; see transstudent.org and Julia Serano’s article for more information. It’s not that the asterisk is bad per se, it just isn’t needed and may denote transmisogynistic ideologies. This is in line with how I have seen the asterisk used in other organizations and writings. So even though I began this blog in 2014 with what I thought was a brilliant idea (Queer* gets us all under the umbrella!), my ego is not so big that I cannot step back and let it go four years later. Besides, I’m not so sure we all want to be under a giant rainbow umbrella anyway… at least, I’m not sure I want to be under the umbrella. Four years ago I felt a solidarity with my fellow queers. After all, we march along the same rainbow brick road, right? But in the interim I experienced microaggresions, emotional manipulation, abuse, and slander from my fellow queers. Some people shit under the umbrella and I’m not a fan of the stink. So while I truly believe in preserving queer culture (don’t gentrify the gayborhood!) I do not believe that one’s queer identity serves as impunity from egregious acts and I’m done standing next to assholes in such a confined space. In case I’m not being clear, this message is for queer abusers, manipulators, transmisogynists, and bullies. To all of you, I say stop using the umbrella as a shield from which to throw your bullshit.
While the negative under-umbrella experiences to which I allude, left me feeling rather wounded, their existence forced me to reflect on my own actions as a queer individual as well as in relationship with my fellow queers. The result of these reflections and musings is this post: a good bye to cyber land, a goodbye to Queer Asterisk, an intentional silence, and an intent to listen more deeply.
The above intentions fully matured in my psyche last month just as the young people from Parkland, FL so beautifully took to the international stage to speak out for more regulations of firearms. People from that generation gave me hope at the end of 2016 after we elected Cheeto Head to the office of the President and they are once again instilling hope and inspiration where it had been lost. They also remind me to back away from the podium because it is my time to listen.
So with that, I shall sign off.
Love before hate.